A Rave: Krishna Style

This past Saturday was the day we've been preparing for. There were death threats, tears, eye rolls, panic attacks, mountains of dishes, sleepless nights, countless hours of slave labor, but we eventually made it through. Well, we didn't really have a choice; we either made it happen or committed suicide in fear of being murdered by a certain lady who owns our souls here at the temple. And no, that is not a joke. She is blunt, she will make you cry, she will make you feel like you don't deserve to breathe, but we still love and adore her. Why? Well, I don't really have an answer to that question. But I have to admit, the few times I have seen her smile (which is getting more and more frequent by the way) the birds sang a little louder, the sun shone a little brighter, and everyone at the temple rejoiced. Seriously.

But we made it happen...India Fest 2011!

We continued working and helping throughout the event but were able to join in on a few festivities. Here are a few highlights:

Sebastian and Alex checking out the arriving crowd from the top.

Mama and baby!

Dancing Kirtan!

Getting blessed.

I got a sari! I also got P. a traditional shirt to match and we'll be rockin' our gear to Christina's birthday party in November!

Laura and I.

Sunset.

Wren and Saji.

See the crazy looking monster behind Wren and Saji in the picture above? That's Ravana, a monster who gets burned every year at the India Fest (I'm not too sure of the story behind it). Well, Wren and Saji painted, and put together the whole thing! They are so incredible...and crazy awesomely artistic. And the fact that they had the heart to watch their hard work burn down in a matter of minutes is quite brave if you ask me. And here is how it all happened:

Saji watching her beautiful work burn...

Fireworks!

And then we rocked out to a Krishna jam band...awesome.

Today we all took the day off to climb a mountain and relax in some hot springs. It was so lovely. And so well-deserved. I will do a picture post on that adventure tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!

Fantasy World

My eyes refuse to shut and my mind keeps racing; it's one of those sleepless nights. But I don't mind. The silence of the night and the songs of the crickets hypnotize me until my mind goes silent, for just a brief second, and I hear the truth. A truth that I've felt running through the blood in my veins and surfacing during glimpses of complete inner wilderness;

I live in a fantasy world. A world where feathers are worth the price of gold, walks along the country side become movements of pure need and desire, thoughts turn into beautiful melodies of fluttering butterfly wings, words are a disruptive hindrance, and soul connections are a requirement, not a choice. 

Bills are merely a memory; a fading reminder of a past life. Jobs, a threatening nightmare; a torturous dream that has swiftly gone by and disappeared somewhere amongst the mountain roads. Time is merely a concept; a concept that does not exist in this world of mine. I have nowhere to be, nothing to do, and no one to see. I am existing in this moment. One breath at a time.

The question is not what you look at, but what you see. I see an open road of endless possibilities, limitless undying love shining all around me like a million suns calling me on and on, wildflowers dancing in the wind begging me to join, dreams reaching their delicate fingers out to grasp mine leading the way fearlessly inspiring my soul to mimic.

The atoms of my skin, my tissues, my bones vibrate faster, sending my mind into blissful oblivion, an existence of stillness calming the ocean of waves splashing through the neurons in my brain. It is then I realize I no longer understand mundane complains of everyday life filled with hatred, regret yet no willingness to make changes, transform, become. My life is no longer driven by poisoning fear and chocking uncertainty. Is yours?

The full moon is on her way. I can feel her pulling me, whispering promises of wolf chants and flowing waters of crimson; sending my body into deep slumber surrounded by aches of desire, beckoning my voice to howl her song of surrender, releasing the decaying venom clinging to my plexus. It is then that I feel my power, more powerful than a stampede of buffaloes rushing through sandy plains of mirages. A Goddess, fearlessly staring at the road ahead; a woman who runs with the wolves; an unstoppable force of hope; an ancient stone pillar of strength, withstanding thousands years of relentless storms; confident, fearless, smiling.

I live in a fantasy world. But it has become my reality. My life. My existence.

Until next time, repeat after me: I AM FREE. Say it again. Believe it. Now exist in it.

The Simple Life

Life at the temple is simple. It's not easy by any means, but it's definitely simple. I usually wake up between 6 and 7am and have 2-3 hours to do whatever I please. This past week I've been reading outside in the mornings; it's quite peaceful with the mountains all around you, a cool blowing breeze, and the peacocks and llamas wandering around existing in their own little world. However, this afternoon I found a gas station with decent coffee that's only an hour's round trip (walking) from the temple, so I may start taking a coffee walk in the mornings. We usually start working around 9am and finish around 1pm; work includes feeding the animals, picking produce (everything we eat is grown at the temple farms), helping cook in the kitchen, and various side projects. After work, we have the rest of the afternoon to do whatever we please. Before Marty and I had our accident, we would drive to a local reservoir for a dip in the cool waters.

Sebastian (one of the other people staying at the temple) taking a dip.

The beach at the reservoir.

The surrounding view from the reservoir (it's up on a mountain).

Now since Marty's temporarily wounded, we've been spending a lot of time reading, chatting, playing with the llamas, and just lounging around and relaxing. I got a little adventurous today and took a walk to a nearby city (this is where I found my coffee go-to spot), and I think tomorrow we're gonna try to walk in the opposite direction to downtown Spanish Fork. Yesterday we spoiled ourselves and went on a tubing adventure. The views were incredible going down the river, but there were quite a few rapids and the water was roughly 50 degrees. I'm pretty sure some of us got close to hypothermia levels, especially those that fell in the water (including myself).

All of us post-tubing.

I don't remember the name of these falls. But they were incredible.

So life on the farm is pretty simple. There are a lot of challenges and it's not easy by any means, but I have met some incredible people and learned so much about myself and the world. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. This week has been a little hectic because we're preparing for an Indian Festival this Saturday which is expected to bring in between 10,000 and 15,000 people creating lots of excitement around here.

As for Marty, I'm waiting to hear from the insurance company whether he'll get a facelift or whether he'll get buried and I'll get some cash to buy a new car. I'll keep you all updated :-) In the meantime, I'm beginning to plan my winter adventure. All ideas are welcome! Preferably somewhere warm with lots of outdoors activities!

The Most Expensive Cup of Coffee I've Ever Had

Tomorrow marks a week since I left Kalamazoo. It doesn't sound like it's been very long but it definitely feels longer. I have grown and learned so much about myself, about people, and about this world. So far it has been a beautiful experience with lots of blissful moments but also lots of dark moments that have forced me to look within myself and untie those knots of self doubt, fear, hesitation, and loneliness.

However, today brought a whole new wave of darkness, fear, and self-doubt.

Marty got a little too excited about getting coffee. Oops.

You see, there are certain things that are not allowed at the Temple. Alcohol, eggs, garlic, onions...I can live without those. But coffee? Now we've got a problem. So after working in the kitchen this morning and waking up from a nap, the only thing on my mind was coffee. I had a cup of milk to see if the craving would pass.

Nope.

I had a cookie.

Didn't help.

So I decided to drive into town for a cup of coffee.

I was about a block away from the coffee shop when the huge truck in front of me started moving and then abruptly slammed on his brakes. Well, Marty's brakes don't react as quickly as they used to (probably all that mountain driving), and we had a little oopsie...well, kind of a big oopsie.

As I pulled over to the side, every single swear word in my vocabulary escaped from my mouth and I cradled my head in my hands for about 2.5 seconds before quickly jumping out of my car to make sure everyone was okay. And everyone was just fine. Marty took most of the force (the truck just had a few scratches), thankfully so since the truck had a bunch of sweet little children in the backseat. I am fine, just a tiny bit of whiplash but nothing too serious.

The truck was from out of town as well (Idaho), so they couldn't help me in terms of finding a towing place or a car repair shop. We exchanged insurance information, decided not to call the cops (all they would do is make us exchange insurance info and write a police report, and neither of us wanted that) and I assured them that they should get on their way and didn't need to wait with me to figure everything out. So they hesitantly got in their truck and drove off. And that is when the adrenaline wore off and the reality of the situation hit me.

I am alone,

in a foreign town in Utah where I don't know a single soul,

on Labor Day when everything is closed,

with a wounded Marty.

So what did I do?

I cried and had a meltdown. Then I called my Mommy while having another meltdown. And then I called P. while having yet another meltdown. And then I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. I mean this is one of the things I asked for, isn't it? To have only myself to count on when I get in trouble with no one near to save me.  To pull myself together in times of crisis and handle it, on my own. Well I asked and I received.

I called the insurance company with no success. Since they couldn't locate me and Marty via phone number on file (my mom's number is on file, and she is Michigan; so that's useless) they told me to get a towing truck and then fax the bill to them. Well thanks a lot insurance company but it's Labor Day and EVERYTHING IS CLOSED! So I got off the phone and had another meltdown. And in the middle of meltdown number 18360, I see a car pull up behind me and two angels walked out, The Johnsons. The husband and wife duo embraced me with hugs and validated my fear. Mrs. Johnson quickly pulled me away from the car and engaged me in conversation while Mr. Johnson made a few phone calls (turns out Mr. Johnson works for the state of Utah so he has personal cell phone numbers of all the cops). A few minutes later, an off-duty Officer pulls up and listens to my story.

"Okay, first thing, let's get this bumper out from underneath your car and see how bad the damage is. Do you think you can get behind the wheel and back the car up for me?"

"Yes, sir."

After pulling out the bumper and realizing that the car only has cosmetic damage and no internal damage, the cop assures me that it's safe to drive back to the Temple and then back to town to a car repair shop in the morning. He then proceeds with:

"Now I know that this was a complete accident and because I'm off duty I feel like I can tell you this; if you would've called the cops we would've had to write you a ticket, even though this accident may have been unavoidable. So be grateful that you didn't call the cops when the accident happened. You just saved yourself from getting a huge ticket Miss."

"Well I'm sure glad I didn't do that!" (I'm pretty sure the Universe was looking out for me. And I'm confident that there's a very powerful outcome to all of this...only time will tell.)

"And that's the good news. Now the bad news; this bumper has to go with you so lower your back window so I can shove it in there."

And after shoving Marty's bumper in my back seat, the Officer left and the Johnsons offered me a place to stay at their home. I politely declined and assured them that I was okay. And then I went on my way in my little wounded Marty.

And where did I go?

Well to the coffee shop, of course. I mean I was only a block away and that was the whole reason I went into town. And after getting the largest cup of coffee available, I *very slowly and carefully* drove Marty back to the Temple drinking the most expensive cup of coffee of my life. And I have to tell you, it tasted good. Real good.

Yes, that is Marty's bumper laying on the side.

Thankfully, I have the best mother in the world who listens to my meltdown rants, snaps me out of them, and offers to handle all the paperwork for me. I know, I'm pretty lucky. So with my Mom's help, this will all get figured out and I will either be driving a healed Marty, or Marty will get a proper funeral here in Utah and I will walk away with a whole new vehicle. Either way, everyone is okay and life keeps moving on. And who knows? Maybe this little accident saved me from a much bigger accident that day. Or maybe Marty wouldn't be able to make it through the mountains to Sedona and I would get stuck somewhere in the hills. Or worse yet, maybe Marty and I would've gotten ourselves killed. But none of these things happened. Instead, we got in a little accident in a place where I have a home for the next month and no one got hurt. There are some huge blessings in all of this. And I'm sure that one day this will be an awesome story to tell: "Well one time, when I decided to be a crazy gypsy, live out of my car, and travel all over the country, I got in this car accident........ (TO BE CONTINUED).."

It's all part of the journey. I'm just thankful I have people who support me and uplift me even from 3,000 miles away. And now I can't deny that this trip definitely started off with a BANG! Ha!

Hare Krishna!

Well, there's been lots of movement since I last caught up with you folks. I went from Colorado to Salt Lake City to Spanish Forks in a little over 24 hours. And in those 24 hours I met an overwhelming amount of people, ate the best food I've ever eaten in my life, slept on the floor, slept in a bed, shared a single bathroom (and shower) with over 35 people, played with llamas, sang along to some mesmerizing kirtan, talked about life, talked about death, talked about going dancing and getting tattoos in Salt Lake City, and moved into my home for the next month. Can you say overwhelming?! It's been quite the ride.

The drive from Colorado through Wyoming and into Utah was the most beautiful drive of my life. It was absolutely breathtaking. I would have to say that Utah is the most beautiful state I have ever been in. My drive through Utah looked a little something like this:

You can see the roads at the very bottom of the picture; so hopefully you can imagine just how grandiose these mountains are.

It took about 8 hours to get from Colorado to the Salt Lake City Krishna Temple. And as soon as I arrived I was welcomed with open arms and treated like family. And there were quite a few people there (roughly 35) who were staying the night because of a Yoga Festival that was happening that weekend. And going from traveling alone for 4 days to all of a sudden socializing with tons of people required a dramatic mental adjustment. In fact, at one point I got a little overwhelmed and found a corner in an empty room to hide in for a bit. And then the mob found me so I moved to my car. And then I heard someone yell "Food is ready! Come eat!" And I bolted out of my car and into the dining area like a starving wolf..

The food here is so delicious! If you've never had a nice home-cooked Indian meal you are missing out. Big time. It fills your belly and puts you right to sleep. Which is exactly what I did. I ate and passed out around 9pm, and didn't wake up until 8am the following morning. That morning was the first day of the Yoga Fest which was fun but very busy.

So busy that instead of staying at the Salt Lake Temple, I packed up my stuff and headed to the Spanish Fork Temple. I needed my own space to breathe and put down some roots. I needed my own room. And that is exactly what I got. And as an added bonus, we all get today off to play in the mountains and chase around the llamas. Don't believe me?

I will have more pictures as the weeks progress. It's only my first morning here so I'm gonna take it easy, relax, maybe go for a swim. Also I have some pretty exciting news on the home front...but I'll share those as soon as they become more concrete. Lots of changes! Lots of unexpected surprises! Stay tuned :-)

Home Sweet Home!

On Top of the World!

Today, I felt what it's like to be on top of the world.

And I will forever carry that feeling inside of me. The really great thing about playing in The Rockies on a weekday is that there's no crowd. Also, it is the end of the season; so I got extremely lucky; it wasn't congested with tourists and there was no traffic. But let me start at the beginning...

When I woke up this morning, my first thought was "must have coffee. Now." After the first thought was satisfied, my second though was "must go to the mountains. Now." So I climbed in my car and headed out. Driving through the mountains for the first time by myself was a little nerve-wrecking, and I must admit I was the person all the other cars were cursing cause they were stuck behind me going 20-mph. My drive at the foothills of the Rockies looked a bit like this:

Beautiful views from the road with GUARD RAILS (this will be important later)!

Little creeks and rivers filled with fresh glacier water.

Beautiful foothills!

I just kept thinking how beautiful everything was. And it seemed like everything just kept getting more and more beautiful. I was very much in "bliss-heaven-everything is perfect with the world"- land. I even made a little bird friend.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zG4ILSgrSCQ)

I had two choices:

1. Go deeper into the foothills and explore the lakes and waterfalls.

2. Go up high into the mountains and follow the Trail Ridge Road, which is the highest road in the country taking you up to 12,183 ft above sea level. This also means that the weather is extremely unpredictable since at that elevation you are far above and beyond tree level (meaning there's absolutely no barrier to the elements, especially lightning).

So of course, because I have Marty and I'm never really sure what his limits are (even though he continues to surprise me time and time again), I chose to go deeper into the foothills and check out the waters of the Rockies. This is what I found (after hours of hiking I should add):

Beautiful mountain lakes.

I made a friend!

Rushing waters.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejghfv3NwzU)

Beautiful meadows at the foothills.

Well after hiking for a few hours without water (yea, i didn't really think ahead on this one), I said "Screw it. Marty, we're going up!" So I started the little trooper up and off we went! Marty was rockin' it! He just kept going, and going, and going (apparently he loves to do that, considering I drove 13 hours straight just a few days ago), and before we knew it we were up a little further than before:

View from about 9,000 feet above sea level.

You can really see the roads here!

At this point, I meant to turn around but a little voice inside of me kept saying "keep going. You'll be fine." So I listened and I kept going. I felt a little flutter of nervousness when I passed a sign saying

CAUTION
BEYOND THIS POINT WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE UNPREDICTABLE
SNOW IS POSSIBLE
PLEASE BUCKLE UP AND DRIVE SAFETLY


But I kept going anyways. And then the road turned to this:

And now the road became a whole new threat because there are NO GUARD RAILS! But...I still kept going. Breathing and going and listening to the little voice inside myself for reassurance. And I am so glad that I did! It wasn't easy. It was scary. But it was so worth it!

This picture was taken off a trail that started at a pulloff by the road. There was no one there so I was able to just sit alone in silence for a bit a soak it all in. I then grabbed my canupa (pipe) and prayed for awhile. It was incredible. Very powerful.

SNOW! Below me!

Stunning views. This picture was at approximately 12,300 feet above sea level.

So at the end, Marty and I made it to the highest peak in the park (~12,300 feet). It was also where the very first picture of this blog post (the only picture I'm in) was taken. It was cold, roughly 40 degrees, with winds of about 40-mph. I was definitely not dressed for the weather (I left my sweaters and winter hats in the car which was parked a ways down), but I handled it quite well. I'm pretty sure I was in bliss la-la land and didn't care how cold I was. It was so incredible and so powerful. It was exactly what I needed. I can't wait to come back and actually hike some of the trails and sleep in the clouds.

B. up high in the clouds!

The drive down the mountain was a piece of cake. I felt like a pro. I had the windows down with the music blasting and just cruising along. Guard rails or no guard rails I'm officially a guru at navigating mountains.

Today was a great day. I feel so full. It was exactly what I needed. I am unstoppable; completely fearless. I mean, I climbed to the top of the world. I can do anything.

Tomorrow, I will be arriving in Salt Lake City. I'll be there just in time for The Yoga Fest. Three days of yoga; blissFULLness. I will also be around people (I've become accustomed to being alone on the road the past few days) who share similar views and lifestyles. It will definitely be a change. I'll keep you all updates when time and energy permits.

Until next time, take care and be good to yourselves!

Well, Hello!

Well, hello friends! I made it to the mountains! And they are glorious, beautiful, and oh so perfect! The drive was incredible. Colorado is incredible. This life is incredible.

How can you not have a smile on your face when there are thousands, and I mean hundreds of thousands, wild sunflowers all around you? Yes, folks, there are wild sunflowers EVERYWHERE in Northern Colorado. And it is so magical! So beautiful! So blissful! And they truly are everywhere; in fields, along the road, growing through the cracks in the pavement, just everywhere! It's as if I died and went to heaven..

Rest stop sunflowers!

B. with roadside sunflowers!

Now having shared that, I will also share with all of you that I had a bit of a rough day today. After I got to Colorado (after the magical drive) and checked into my hotel, I got right back in my car and hit up the town. Well, that wasn't a great idea for a person who's been driving over 24 hours in the past 36 hours, who just traveled 2 hours back in time in the past 24 hours (= super tiredness), and who has nobody to count on but herself in all kinds of new places. It's not a bad thing at all. It's just overwhelming; it's exciting, exhilarating, adventurous, and really forces you to stay in the moment and LIVE. It's incredible. But it is overwhelming. And I tried to do too much too soon without giving myself time and space to adjust and breathe.

Thankfully, instead of having a meltdown in the middle of downtown, I quickly realized what was happening, got in my car, and went straight back to the hotel where I got some dinner across the street and then snuggled up in my bed watching movies and writing. That is exactly what I needed and I am so grateful that I knew it was exactly what I needed. That is the beauty of solo travel; you learn so much about yourself and you also reaffirm the things you *think* you know about yourself. It's a beautiful thing.

I feel a lot better now and I'm really looking forward to playing in the mountains tomorrow (and having a day w/o countless hours of driving). There will be climbing, frolicking, dancing, singing, running, rolling, and laughing involved. I can't wait to connect, reflect, breathe, and absorb. And yes, there will be TONS of pictures involved! Maybe even some videos. The mountains are so incredible from the outside I can't imagine the beauty I'll find on the inside. It's all very blissful. And surreal. I am so grateful for my life; even with the downs and in-betweens. And believe me, there are plenty of those.

Tomorrow might be my last post for a bit since I'll be arriving at the Krishna Temple in Salt Lake on Friday and I'm not really sure who I'll meet, what I'll be doing, and how I'll be feeling. Just wanted to let ya'll know so you can prepare yourselves and not miss me too much! (Just kidding. Unless you will indeed miss my posts, then I'm completely serious :-))

P.S. If you're ever in Boulder, Co try this beer. It is oh so so so good! Especially if you're an IPA lover. I had this beer with dinner and loved it!