Full Circle

Well, here I am; sitting at Salt Lake City International Airport waiting for my 5pm flight to Detroit. Crazy part? I found out I was flying to DTown less than 24 hours ago. Even crazier part? I will be in Michigan for less than 12 hours before hitting the road again. Yes friends, the rooted down, home-base Taurus has found her wings and learned how to fly (without any assistance from Red Bull, may I add). And since you all know how I feel about flying, you can safely assume that there is beer involved. Surprised?

 I didn’t think so.

Some of you might be wondering why I’m uprooting myself and backtracking. Trust me, if I could put my dead weight down and wiggle myself out of this one (those of you who have attempted to pick me up know exactly what I’m talking about), I would. However, remember this guy?

Well, he has officially gone to Nissan heaven and reincarnated as a beautiful, absolutely perfect, yellow Escape named Sunny. Unfortunately, Sunny chose to reside in The Mitten and must be retrieved by a certain traveling gypsy who is deathly terrorized by flying even though she does it all the time.

So here I am. Sitting at Salt Lake City International Airport waiting for my flight. Talk about coming full circle, right? However, I’m not the same person coming back to Michigan who left just a few short months ago. I have changed in so many beautiful, unbelievable ways. When I first started this journey, I was attached to Michigan with every intention of returning (sooner than later) and setting down permanent roots with the certainty of starting a family.  But this journey is showing me that’s not who I am and it’s definitely not what I want or need.  Instead, the person coming back is a strong-willed, unattached, partner-free, home-free, llama cuddling, rock climbing, spontaneous, free-spirited, song belting, fearless, uninhibited, powerful woman. No fear. Seriously. Well, except, maybe, for flying. But that’s it. No joke. Fearless; fully, completely, whole-heartedly.

So you may be wondering, what next? Or maybe you’re not, but I’m gonna tell you anyways.

Well, I get into Detroit around 1:30am tonight and I leave around 10am in my gorgeous, absolutely perfect, fearless (just like his owner), ‘ready to hit the road’ Sunny. And where am I going? Back to the Krishna Temple, of course! I mean who would ever want to leave this place?

The Krishna Temple has been an absolute blessing in my life. The environment, the people, the energy…this place has been incredible. And it’s exactly where I needed to be. And as much as I would love to stay here forever, I can’t. In fact, I come back on Wednesday night (I will attempt to make the 25 hour trip in less than two days…) and I leave for Sedona, AZ on Friday (maybe Sunday depending on what that little crazy voice inside of me says). But the day I leave will be a sad, sad day. I have connected so much with the devotees, the other volunteers, and the land. Just thinking about leaving shatters my heart…and that’s exactly why I must do it. You see, my whole life I’ve been attached to places, people, and circumstances. I fall in love with a certain idea and I am ready to sacrifice anything to make it happen. But that’s no good. It’s not healthy or in my best interest; and it’s time to break that habit. I have to keep moving, I have to keep learning, and I have to keep growing.  And that’s exactly what I intend to do.  That’s exactly what I will do.

Last night, while camping (the awesome thing about these people is that we can decide to go camping at 8pm and be at the campsite by 10pm) I was asked a question that I couldn’t answer right away. The question- “What is the rose, bud, and thorn of the time you spent at the temple?”  For some reason this question hit me hard. I couldn’t give an immediate answer, but after much thinking, reflecting, and absorbing, I finally have an answer.  This answer might change with time, but as of this moment, it is what it is.

The Rose: The people I have met, the experiences I shared with these individuals, and the lessons I have learned.

The Bud: I realized how fast I get attached to places and people, and this realization has taught me that change is inevitable and is the only constant in life. Everything is always changing. People leave, places alter, feelings change. But the experiences remain untainted, the memories unflawed, and the lessons life-changing. And who knows? Maybe the seeds planted will grow into full-blossomed greenery with the potential to thrive forever. But in order to find out, one must surrender; surrender to the Universe, Nature, God, Krishna, or whoever you choose to surrender to.  You have to keep moving with the guidance of that little voice inside to find you personal truth, whatever it may be. And that is my Bud.

The Thorn: I avoid thinking about the pain I’ll feel leaving. It will be heart wrenching, throbbing, yet unavoidable.  The sadness I feel just thinking about it is overwhelming. However, I think this trip to Detroit-back to Spanish Fork- will allow me to think, absorb, and accept.

My life has become a never-ending tunnel of adventure, the unexpected, and spontaneity. As much as I want to share all the details, pictures, and experiences with all of you, I can't bring myself to do that. Some things I will hoard and keep sacred. Maybe one day, depending on the moment and the timing, I will give you all a clearer view of my time here, but today is not that day. I live a good life. I am endlessly blissed out with happiness just thinking of where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing, and where I'm going. I couldn't have wished for anything more. I live a dream. And thank you, each and every one of you, for sharing that with me. 

And now the time has come for me to board a flying piece of metal and put my life on the line. Wish me luck!