“Traveling outgrows its motives. It soon proves sufficient in itself. You think you are making a trip, but soon it is making you – or unmaking you.”- Nicolas Bouvier
When I first hit the road in late August, I was so excited to be "on an epic road trip of a lifetime"; choosing where to go, what to see, where to stay, what to do. I thought I'd be in control of just about everything. Oh boy, how wrong I was. Silly, silly me.
What I learned is that when you try to control, all the forces in the world work against you. You end up at the wrong places, with the wrong people, doing all the wrong things, completely miserable, depressed, and confused. And this isn't limited to traveling, it's a truth of life itself.
The key is to let go. Let go of all judgments, assumptions, and expectations. Learn how to listen and be still. And then the beauty of the road will unfold before you and you will no longer be leading, you will be following. You will no longer have a choice; there will be no choice. Every cell in your being already chose for you, and you have to ignore the doubts, concerns, fears, and hesitations brewing inside that fickle mind and just go. Just do it. Don't think; just feel. Listen and follow.
Your mind will be fighting; surfacing every program that has been instilled in you since birth.
What about your career?
What about money? You can't afford this!
What about your family? Friends? Lover?
You're being irresponsible!
You're acting childish!
But those are all programs! They're not real! They are illusions clouding your mind from the moment you were born and someone labeled you "A boy!" or "A girl!" and put the "appropriate" color blanket around you. If you found out that you had cancer, would you care about the amount of money you make? Or how good your hair looks? Or what brand your jeans are? Or whether your nails are done or your facial hair trimmed? Or the fight you had with your boyfriend/girlfriend 2 days ago that you're still fueling? Probably not. And with our generation the question isn't "Will I get cancer?", it's "When will I get cancer?"Just something to think about.
Our society is largely driven by promises of a happy future and suffering in the present to secure that future happiness. We suffer through high school in hopes of getting into a good college. We suffer through college in hopes of getting a good job. We suffer through long and tedious work hours in hopes of getting a promotion and a raise. We receive the promotion and the raise and realize that in the process we lost our spouse and our kids because we had no time for them. We suffer through decades of hard work to reach retirement. We reach retirement and realize that we have missed out on our lives for a program, an illusion of "society". But what about YOU? The inner YOU? Are you genuinely happy and fulfilled right now? Don't lie to yourself. Be honest. If you are, that's great! And if not, take one little step to change that. Do something for yourself. Because the reality is, you will die. I will die. I don't know when or how, but it will happen. For all of us. But how are you going to live? It should be the fear of living a fake, compulsory, repetitive life, not the fear of death that haunts you.
There are so many people criticizing what I do...I'm not sure why, but it happens all the time. What if you fall while rock climbing? What if you get stuck in a canyon and a flash flood comes? What if you get in a car accident? What if someone breaks into your car while you're sleeping in it? What if a bear attacks you when you're camping alone? What if you die due to (insert whatever ridiculous scenario you choose)? Well, in either one of those cases I will probably die. Therefore, I won't really care. But the excitement, the feeling of being truly ALIVE that I get from climbing an exposed route, or winding my way through a narrow canyon, or driving without a plan or destination is what makes my life worth living. I am alive. I surrendered to the road, the journey, months ago, and I am no longer in control. I am just listening and following; even if my mind is filled with doubt and hesitations..I'm following.
This trip to Europe is teaching me so much. Life in Ostrava is really simple, really quiet, and quite uneventful. It gets dark around 4pm, there aren't any neighbors around, and the nearest town is about 30 minutes away. I had no expectations for this whole trip; just allowing life to lead me where I need to go, and I ended up here; in a place that's really breaking down my layers, teaching me, and "unmaking" me. I spend a lot of time journaling, dreaming, taking long walks in the country side, and just contemplating life and the truths of the Universe. I feel like my conception of reality as I knew it is completely gone. I'm not sure what's real and what's an illusion, but I am learning. I am seeing the choices before me and stepping back to listen and be still. And when the time is right, I'll follow. But right now, I'm just resting, de-cluttering, and untying those knots of uncertainty and fear.
This place, this trip, is so good for my soul. I feel it deeply. I am grateful for this life, all of these lessons and realizations, and for the truth of reality. I hope that something in this post struck something within you. And even if it didn't thanks for reading and allowing me to share the little ramblings of my mind. Hope you're all having a good week!
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