New Set of Eyes

 Side Note-

***My goal for this blog is not to boast about all the incredible places I've been or the ones I will be going to. Of course, some posts will be written in that light, but the purpose of this blog is to document the raw emotions, doubts, euphoria, feelings, and struggles that come with living life on the road. It's very easy to stray from such a purpose, especially when you're facing a rough day full of worry and doubt and all you want to do is put on a fake front of happiness and confidence. I don't want to do that. I want to be real, honest, and I will work hard to be so. I would also like this blog to be a place of tips and suggestions for future travelers. So anytime I come across something that may be useful or worthy of sharing, I will. ***

So what have I been up to? Well, I'm back in Kalamazoo but this time as a visitor and no longer a resident. And I have to admit, the shift in mentality was almost instant. A place that I was very much attached to last week is no longer a place of attachment this week. Last week I was complaining about the dreaded mornings of stumbling into work, the routine of coming home and collapsing on my bed, and of always being tired, exhausted, and depleted. Well this week I feel excited, calm, and truly at peace. You know that feeling you get when you visit a new town and everything looks intriguing and you want to explore every nook and cranny? Yea..that's the way I'm feeling right now. I feel like I'm living in the moment. And I guess I kind of am. I don't know what the next hour will bring, or the next day, or even the next month. Yes, I have a plan- an idea of what I would like to be doing. But I also know that I am not committed to any of those plans or ideas. When I was working, I was committed to my job. I was committed to my house and honoring my lease agreement. But now, I feel freedom. I can do what I want, when I want. It's that feeling you get when you're on vacation or on a road-trip. It's almost a child-like innocence. I'm curious about everything; I'm in tune with my feelings; my intuition is a little louder; I'm not attached to anything...except Marty. Marty's the only constant I've got in my life right now and fortunately he's on wheels. 

It's funny to me how I've lived in this town for the past year, and only now I'm truly noticing it's charm. I think the difference is being able to choose where I am. I moved to Kalamazoo because of a job, and if it wasn't for the job I probably wouldn't have moved here. But now I am choosing to be here and spend time here. I don't have to be here if I don't want to. I didn't have to be here 6 months ago if I didn't want to, but there was a guilt associated with that thought. I had a job and a home, and if I left I would be letting people down and turning my back on responsibility.  But now, if I leave at this moment I wouldn't be letting anyone down or breaking a commitment of some sort. And that sense of freedom is so liberating.

So this week, I'm going to enjoy the feeling of liberation and non-attachment. I'm going to explore Kalamazoo with a new set of eyes and a fresh perspective. I'm gonna take cat naps in the park without setting an alarm, I'm gonna spend the whole day reading at my favorite coffee shop without the guilt of doing "more responsible" things, I will lay around in my pajamas on a weekday until dinner time, and I will have a beer at lunchtime without worrying if "management" will find out. (And I may or may not unpack all of P.'s boxes and set up his new room). 

What I truly know and feel is that you don't have to go very far to gain a sense of liberation. You just have to view your surrounding from a different angle. It may involve changing some things in your life that make you unhappy, but it's possible. And it's totally worth it.