“Traveling outgrows its motives. It soon proves sufficient in itself. You think you are making a trip, but soon it is making you – or unmaking you.”- Nicolas Bouvier
When I first hit the road in late August, I was so excited to be "on an epic road trip of a lifetime"; choosing where to go, what to see, where to stay, what to do. I thought I'd be in control of just about everything. Oh boy, how wrong I was. Silly, silly me.
What I learned is that when you try to control, all the forces in the world work against you. You end up at the wrong places, with the wrong people, doing all the wrong things, completely miserable, depressed, and confused. And this isn't limited to traveling, it's a truth of life itself.
The key is to let go. Let go of all judgments, assumptions, and expectations. Learn how to listen and be still. And then the beauty of the road will unfold before you and you will no longer be leading, you will be following. You will no longer have a choice; there will be no choice. Every cell in your being already chose for you, and you have to ignore the doubts, concerns, fears, and hesitations brewing inside that fickle mind and just go. Just do it. Don't think; just feel. Listen and follow.
Your mind will be fighting; surfacing every program that has been instilled in you since birth.
What about your career?
What about money? You can't afford this!
What about your family? Friends? Lover?
You're being irresponsible!
You're acting childish!
But those are all programs! They're not real! They are illusions clouding your mind from the moment you were born and someone labeled you "A boy!" or "A girl!" and put the "appropriate" color blanket around you. If you found out that you had cancer, would you care about the amount of money you make? Or how good your hair looks? Or what brand your jeans are? Or whether your nails are done or your facial hair trimmed? Or the fight you had with your boyfriend/girlfriend 2 days ago that you're still fueling? Probably not. And with our generation the question isn't "Will I get cancer?", it's "When will I get cancer?"Just something to think about.
Our society is largely driven by promises of a happy future and suffering in the present to secure that future happiness. We suffer through high school in hopes of getting into a good college. We suffer through college in hopes of getting a good job. We suffer through long and tedious work hours in hopes of getting a promotion and a raise. We receive the promotion and the raise and realize that in the process we lost our spouse and our kids because we had no time for them. We suffer through decades of hard work to reach retirement. We reach retirement and realize that we have missed out on our lives for a program, an illusion of "society". But what about YOU? The inner YOU? Are you genuinely happy and fulfilled right now? Don't lie to yourself. Be honest. If you are, that's great! And if not, take one little step to change that. Do something for yourself. Because the reality is, you will die. I will die. I don't know when or how, but it will happen. For all of us. But how are you going to live? It should be the fear of living a fake, compulsory, repetitive life, not the fear of death that haunts you.
There are so many people criticizing what I do...I'm not sure why, but it happens all the time. What if you fall while rock climbing? What if you get stuck in a canyon and a flash flood comes? What if you get in a car accident? What if someone breaks into your car while you're sleeping in it? What if a bear attacks you when you're camping alone? What if you die due to (insert whatever ridiculous scenario you choose)? Well, in either one of those cases I will probably die. Therefore, I won't really care. But the excitement, the feeling of being truly ALIVE that I get from climbing an exposed route, or winding my way through a narrow canyon, or driving without a plan or destination is what makes my life worth living. I am alive. I surrendered to the road, the journey, months ago, and I am no longer in control. I am just listening and following; even if my mind is filled with doubt and hesitations..I'm following.
This trip to Europe is teaching me so much. Life in Ostrava is really simple, really quiet, and quite uneventful. It gets dark around 4pm, there aren't any neighbors around, and the nearest town is about 30 minutes away. I had no expectations for this whole trip; just allowing life to lead me where I need to go, and I ended up here; in a place that's really breaking down my layers, teaching me, and "unmaking" me. I spend a lot of time journaling, dreaming, taking long walks in the country side, and just contemplating life and the truths of the Universe. I feel like my conception of reality as I knew it is completely gone. I'm not sure what's real and what's an illusion, but I am learning. I am seeing the choices before me and stepping back to listen and be still. And when the time is right, I'll follow. But right now, I'm just resting, de-cluttering, and untying those knots of uncertainty and fear.
This place, this trip, is so good for my soul. I feel it deeply. I am grateful for this life, all of these lessons and realizations, and for the truth of reality. I hope that something in this post struck something within you. And even if it didn't thanks for reading and allowing me to share the little ramblings of my mind. Hope you're all having a good week!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Greetings from the Homeland!
It's a rainy, windy, cuddle-up under a blanket and read a good book with a cup (or two, or 10) of coffee kind of weather in Czech Republic this morning. And after a long weekend, that sounds just perfect.
Currently, this is what I'm reading:
And as I faked the fakest smile imaginable and pretended to sip on my doll-sized coffee with enthusiasm, there were only dark thoughts running through the mind.
"I wasn't prepared for this! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!? Why is the Universe out to get me? I have to go back. I can't live like this for 5 weeks. THIS IS HORRIBLE! Alright, Yelena, breathe. Just breathe. There you go, in and out, in and out. No! Don't cry! No! You can't jump under that train! It's just 5 weeks, you can do it. Breathe. In and out. In and out."
After inhaling my drop of coffee in a single gulp, I dragged my feet to the nearest grocery store to buy the biggest bag of ground coffee I could find when I saw something that turned my frown upside down...a pint of Czech beer. For $0.75. Now I'd say that's a pretty good trade off- tiny sized coffee for tiny priced beer. I'll take it.
We were greeted in Ostrava by the sweetest, most generous couple and that's where we'll be staying for two weeks. They live in a picturesque European country home surrounded by rolling hills and forests. Also part of the family, four huge dogs! They are soft, cuddly, and the cutest little guys in town. However, we're still getting assimilated to each other and I don't think they'd appreciate a camera shoved in their face for a picture...in fact, I'm a little scared they'd bite my face off. Sooo...pictures will come...just a little bit later.
This past weekend was filled with loads of Czech people, a drumbuilding workshop, a spontaneous jam/dance party (I have pictures, but this event needs a post of it's own...it was that awesome), amaaazziing food, a sweat lodge, lots of laughs and giggles, and just lots of genuine goodness. I will spare you the details and just mention one thing that really struck my heart deep;
Language, in the physical sense, is simply a convenient way of communicating, but you don't need it to establish meaningful connections. It is the soul language, the language of the heart, that establishes significant bonds. A huge smile with a wink is just as meaningful as an hour of conversation and a bear hug, a real hearty joining, will make strangers into fast friends. I met people this past weekend who didn't speak a word of English, but just by looking, really looking, into each others eyes we knew more about one another than any conversation could reveal. It was so powerful and so beautiful.
And another thing that really struck me...
These people don't care about nudity. At all. Alleluia! Since there were over 20 people staying in a house with one shower, there were naked butts running around everywhere. I didn't care. They didn't care. It wasn't uncomfortable...In fact, there were naked cartwheels on the front lawn. In the states, a slip of a nipple would result in a wave of whispers, judgments, and criticism. And most of you are probably judging and criticizing this right now...and that's a bummer. It's a human body. It's beautiful. Let's celebrate it, yes? I've always felt this way, and now I'm actually living it. It's refreshing, it's delightful, it's no big deal.
I will have pictures coming soon. I realized that I went from taking an excessive amount of pictures in order to physically capture everything to taking no pictures in order to mentally capture everything...I'm in the process of finding the middle ground. Please bear with me. But pictures! Soon! Yes!
And now I must get back to my perfectly-brewed, American-sized, cup'o joe. Until next time, Ahoy (bye)!
Currently, this is what I'm reading:
I'm about a third of the way through and it's quite good. I'll do a book review as soon as I'm finished.
But I'm sure you guys don't really care about what I'm reading and you're more interested in where I'm at and what I'm doing, right? Well, I am in Ostrava, Czech Republic! I got here on December 1 (I can't believe it's already been 4 days...time is flying!) after a grueling 48 hours of travel. The flight from NYC to Prague was relatively uneventful, but that may have something to do with the complimentary wine and beer I very graciously took advantage of. Judge away.
After landing and meeting up with Jorge, we were driven to the train station by two lovely friends where we took a 3 hour train from Prague to Ostrava. We had about an hour before the train and decided to get a cup of coffee (actually, I demanded it and threatened suicide if I didn't get it...have I mentioned that I'm a bit of a coffee addict?)...and then my world was shattered into a billion little pieces when I got this:
So what's the big deal, right? Please look at the size of the cup compared to that teaspoon. That cup was smaller than the size of my palm. That amount of coffee will get my left pinkie functioning; maybe the index finger too, but that's pushing it. Take a look at this and you will understand...hopefully:
"I wasn't prepared for this! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!? Why is the Universe out to get me? I have to go back. I can't live like this for 5 weeks. THIS IS HORRIBLE! Alright, Yelena, breathe. Just breathe. There you go, in and out, in and out. No! Don't cry! No! You can't jump under that train! It's just 5 weeks, you can do it. Breathe. In and out. In and out."
After inhaling my drop of coffee in a single gulp, I dragged my feet to the nearest grocery store to buy the biggest bag of ground coffee I could find when I saw something that turned my frown upside down...a pint of Czech beer. For $0.75. Now I'd say that's a pretty good trade off- tiny sized coffee for tiny priced beer. I'll take it.
We were greeted in Ostrava by the sweetest, most generous couple and that's where we'll be staying for two weeks. They live in a picturesque European country home surrounded by rolling hills and forests. Also part of the family, four huge dogs! They are soft, cuddly, and the cutest little guys in town. However, we're still getting assimilated to each other and I don't think they'd appreciate a camera shoved in their face for a picture...in fact, I'm a little scared they'd bite my face off. Sooo...pictures will come...just a little bit later.
This past weekend was filled with loads of Czech people, a drumbuilding workshop, a spontaneous jam/dance party (I have pictures, but this event needs a post of it's own...it was that awesome), amaaazziing food, a sweat lodge, lots of laughs and giggles, and just lots of genuine goodness. I will spare you the details and just mention one thing that really struck my heart deep;
Language, in the physical sense, is simply a convenient way of communicating, but you don't need it to establish meaningful connections. It is the soul language, the language of the heart, that establishes significant bonds. A huge smile with a wink is just as meaningful as an hour of conversation and a bear hug, a real hearty joining, will make strangers into fast friends. I met people this past weekend who didn't speak a word of English, but just by looking, really looking, into each others eyes we knew more about one another than any conversation could reveal. It was so powerful and so beautiful.
And another thing that really struck me...
These people don't care about nudity. At all. Alleluia! Since there were over 20 people staying in a house with one shower, there were naked butts running around everywhere. I didn't care. They didn't care. It wasn't uncomfortable...In fact, there were naked cartwheels on the front lawn. In the states, a slip of a nipple would result in a wave of whispers, judgments, and criticism. And most of you are probably judging and criticizing this right now...and that's a bummer. It's a human body. It's beautiful. Let's celebrate it, yes? I've always felt this way, and now I'm actually living it. It's refreshing, it's delightful, it's no big deal.
I will have pictures coming soon. I realized that I went from taking an excessive amount of pictures in order to physically capture everything to taking no pictures in order to mentally capture everything...I'm in the process of finding the middle ground. Please bear with me. But pictures! Soon! Yes!
And now I must get back to my perfectly-brewed, American-sized, cup'o joe. Until next time, Ahoy (bye)!
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