The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Well, it's that time of the year again. A time to harvest that which has blossomed within and surrender to the changes that harvest brings. As the nights get a little longer, colder, and quieter, I find myself spending lots of time awake and alone in the darkness contemplating, reflecting, and growing. Fall possesses the power to bring my mind to a stillness; a place where I can actually see things for what they are and not what I want them to be. It's in the coolness of her breeze that I make significant changes and life-altering decisions with pure clarity and confidence. But this Fall is a little different. This Fall I am surrounded by kaleidoscope mountains; home-free, job-free, stress-free, with all the time in the world to contemplate my life and the state of my being. This Fall, there are no distractions; my only focus: me, my life, and my journey.

A few weeks ago, I called my mom.

"Mom, I'm coming back to Michigan for the months of November and December. I found a place to live in Kalamazoo, and I really want to be home for the holidays."

A few days later I called her back.

"Actually Mom, I'll be back in Michigan for November but I'm leaving again in December."

Her response?

"You seem to be changing your mind a lot. Why don't you sit down, think about it, and let me know when you have REALLY made up your mind."

Yup. Mother knows her daughter best. I didn't know what I wanted to do. There was so much going on, I was so scattered, so alive and full of life, that I didn't know what I wanted. I wanted it all. I wanted to be everywhere and do everything all at once. I wanted to make everyone happy while making myself happy. I wanted to do what was safe and dangerous all at the same time. I wanted all of it. But I forgot some very important life truths...

1. I am responsible for my own happiness. And my happiness is my ultimate priority.
2. Everything is allowed.
3. There is no right or wrong.
4. I can change my mind.
5. Slow down and breathe.

After I slowed down and really thought about it, I called my mom again.

"Mom, I'm not coming back to Michigan."

So there you have it folks, I'm not coming back. Michigan is no longer my home, and to be honest, accepting this fact was one of the most exhilarating moments of my life. I am now really, truly, "home-free". I am throwing everything to the wind and letting it guide me. I think Bob Dylan had it right; the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

And to the wind I surrender. I surrender to the moments where no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world; whatever it meant. I surrender to the calling of my heart, my deepest Self, with full knowing, courage, and confidence.

Until later, folks, take care, be well, breathe well.

Climb On!

Have you ever experienced a moment so powerful, so incredible, so perfect, you just couldn't find the words to express it?

Last weekend, I spent 3 days in blissful awe contemplating the perfection and beauty of my life and wondering how I ever got so damn lucky. Actually I do know how I got so lucky; fearlessness and complete confidence in my intuition. And it brought me to this very moment; sitting in a coffee shop at Momentum, a rock-climbing gym in Sandy, Utah, finally finding a free moment to type up this post while waiting for Dan to finish teaching little kiddos climbing skills so we can get back to the wall (did I mention I have the raddest friends?).

Recently, my life has become a hectic dream of rock-climbing and midnight hikes to the hot springs. I am amazed at what my body can do. I am amazed at what my mind can do. I am amazed at what I can do.

I am in love with the mountains. I am in love with climbing. I am in love with the way yoga is becoming the perfect complement to climbing. I am in love with hiking, camping, backpacking. I am in love with how powerful my legs feel charging up the mountain slopes. I am in love with the Southwest. I am in love with traveling and being utterly free. I am in love with spontaneous adventures. I am in love with my life. Every moment reveals something new, something unseen and exciting that's been there all along that I've been too distracted to see. I am finding stillness in everything. Every spontaneous adventure, every inch up the climbing wall, every step into the wilderness is a meditation. I am in the moment. And I feel FULL.

And this past weekend has reaffirmed that I am exactly where I need to be doing exactly what I need to be doing. This past weekend has taught me more about myself and my life than I've learned in the past 23 years. It wasn't just the destination or the people I was with, but the combination of the special moments I shared in the most incredible places with the most incredible people. Dancing around the fire holding hands with Saji while the boys went for a midnight hike, or climbing in the middle of the night with Dan to get a little closer to the stars and then surrendering. It was in those moments that something inside of me re-ignited and I saw, felt, and became. Yet the most beautiful part is that the weekend was an absolute failure to the plan we had made, but it turned out to be more perfect than anything we could have ever created. And the incredible part? We all trusted that it would turn out better than we had hoped. And it did.

I'm not going to share any stories from the weekend. Putting them into words would do them no justice, and is quite impossible, really. The moments of sheer panic, pure joy, uncontrollable laughter, drunken conversations, comfortable silence, quiet contemplation, and plain old ridiculousness just can't be described. So I won't try. And honestly, I don't really want to.

But I will share some pictures. So here's a little glimpse of heaven on Earth :-)

These first pictures are the drive to our campsite. We got into town a little later than expected so we took this drive at night (I took pictures the following day coming back from town.) We couldn't find any open campgrounds so we just kept driving until something looked good. We finally found something 30 minutes outside of Moab. (FYI- I had approximately 7 panic attacks during this car ride at night. Check out the pictures below and you'll understand why....unless you're Sebastian. Then you'd just pop open a beer while yelling "Dude! Let's ****ing do this!")

Imagine this at night, when all you see is a slab of rock to your left and a pit hole of complete darkness to your right...There was a moment when I demanded to be let out of the car. My demand was denied. Thankfully, I lived.

The next few pictures are of the canyon we camped in and our campsite.

We all slept under the stars...tent free.

The following are just some randoms I took throughout the trip.

Second day. We took a dip in a local lake while sleeping off our hangovers (first night was a little intense, see next picture.)

Morning of the second day. Somehow all pictures from the first night got deleted off my camera which is probably for the best judging from the picture above and the fact that none of us could remember all the details of what happened.

We had a friend with us!

Climbing boys :-)

The next few pictures are from our visit to Arches National Park. Notice the bare feet...pretty awesome that barefoot hiking appealed to all of us.

All of us at Delicate Arch.

Wren being a crazy mountain bear man.

And this is what the drive home looked like....

I live an incredible life. And I just have to keep moving forward. Speaking of moving forward, breaks over. Time to get back into the harness, tape up the blisters, strap on the climbing shoes cause it time to climb on, baby!

Glimpses of My Week (in Pictures)

Hey everyone! I've been a little MIA lately and I apologize for that. The days have been busy with temple upkeep and the nights filled with spontaneous adventures and road trips leaving little time for blogging. But I'll try to do better! I promise!

Before I bombard you all with tons of pictures, I thought I'd share some travel/vehicle/life updates:

• Car update: It looks like I will have to buy a new car here in Utah. So please wish me luck and send some positive thoughts my way as I navigate the world of used cars. It's a foreign world, but I think a few Skype sessions with my Dad about transmissions, brakes, and other subjects I know absolutely nothing about will *hopefully* provide a solid foundation. 

• Travel update: I will be at the Temple until early October and then I'm off to Arizona followed by New Mexico...and after that I intend to come back to Kalamazoo for the month of November. I have a strong desire to reconnect with P. and we are planning a trip somewhere warm...Jamaica? Aruba? Bahamas? We're considering all our options :-) There are many plans brewing for December and beyond, but I am hesitant to share until all the details are set in stone...but I'll share! Soon!

• Life update: Lately I've been questioning everything in my life. Why am I here? What am I doing with my life? Why am I in Utah? Where am I going? Why am I doing this? Why now? What am I learning? Am I using all my time wisely? Am I happy? Is this what I want? And at the same time I'm thinking "I am the luckiest person on the face of this planet. I am free. I have nowhere to be and nothing to do. Everything is possible. I am meeting the most incredible people. I can't stop smiling. I can't stop singing. I can't stop dancing. I can't stop staring at the mountains. I want to go hiking. Let's go hiking." And then I go hiking. It's quite bizarre, really. I am changing in the most incredible ways and I'm curious to see how that will affect my brief visit to Kalamazoo. 

And now a little glimpse into my week....

This is usually the sight I walk out to in the morning time as well as night time. These boys are obsessed with chess and other super awesome things like tea, reading, documentaries, exploring, yoga battles, spontaneous travels, and conversations that make no sense. I guess us traveling folk somehow end up in the same strange places.

Earlier on in the week, we took a trip to some hot springs. And to get there, we had to climb a mountain. No big deal; I was only sweating through every piece of clothing touching my body by the time we reached the top. At least the way back was all downhill..

And a few days ago, a few of us took a random road adventure and ended up in a parking lot wearing helmets, climbing on each others backs, and having head butting wars....no joke. Why? Well, why not? Oh, and did I mention there were head dresses and animal hats involved? Oh, and also, Dan has a whole living quarter in the back of his van...AWESOME for long road trips or spontaneous naps. Did I mention that these people rock?

Tomorrow we leave for a 3 day camping/hiking adventure in Arches National Park. I'm sure that us crazy kiddos will be climbing and exploring everything in sight...did I also mention that these people like to climb as much as I do? In fact, next week I'll be going mountain climbing. Like, the REAL DEAL mountain climbing....this. is. the. life. I'm not sure I could ever stop living it this way. I've got the traveling bug, and I'm not sure this version is curable.

I hope you all have an amazing weekend filled with your own kind of adventures!

A Rave: Krishna Style

This past Saturday was the day we've been preparing for. There were death threats, tears, eye rolls, panic attacks, mountains of dishes, sleepless nights, countless hours of slave labor, but we eventually made it through. Well, we didn't really have a choice; we either made it happen or committed suicide in fear of being murdered by a certain lady who owns our souls here at the temple. And no, that is not a joke. She is blunt, she will make you cry, she will make you feel like you don't deserve to breathe, but we still love and adore her. Why? Well, I don't really have an answer to that question. But I have to admit, the few times I have seen her smile (which is getting more and more frequent by the way) the birds sang a little louder, the sun shone a little brighter, and everyone at the temple rejoiced. Seriously.

But we made it happen...India Fest 2011!

We continued working and helping throughout the event but were able to join in on a few festivities. Here are a few highlights:

Sebastian and Alex checking out the arriving crowd from the top.

Mama and baby!

Dancing Kirtan!

Getting blessed.

I got a sari! I also got P. a traditional shirt to match and we'll be rockin' our gear to Christina's birthday party in November!

Laura and I.

Sunset.

Wren and Saji.

See the crazy looking monster behind Wren and Saji in the picture above? That's Ravana, a monster who gets burned every year at the India Fest (I'm not too sure of the story behind it). Well, Wren and Saji painted, and put together the whole thing! They are so incredible...and crazy awesomely artistic. And the fact that they had the heart to watch their hard work burn down in a matter of minutes is quite brave if you ask me. And here is how it all happened:

Saji watching her beautiful work burn...

Fireworks!

And then we rocked out to a Krishna jam band...awesome.

Today we all took the day off to climb a mountain and relax in some hot springs. It was so lovely. And so well-deserved. I will do a picture post on that adventure tomorrow.

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend!